IS THIS A MIDLIFE CRISIS?
Is there a better term for “Midlife Crisis” than “Midlife Crisis?
I have always associated a “Midlife Crisis” with a sad, balding man, in his 50’s or 60’s driving a silly sports car and chasing significantly younger women. You know the guy* I’m talking about. Think “American Beauty” or Jack Nicholson/Harry in “Something’s Gotta Give” before he wakes up and realizes that Diane Keaton is the BEST person he could ever hope to get (because, spoilers, he falls for the age-appropriate woman - which IS the big twist).
That’s kinda messed up.
I do love that movie, tho. Diane Keaton is amazing.
Harry explains the appeal of younger women in a monologue at the beginning of “Somehting’s Gotta Give”. It boils down to one line:
“The sweet, uncomplicated satisfaction of the younger woman.”
“Uncomplicated”. As we get older, things do get complicated, right? They just do. And it would seem, judging by these movies, that middle-aged men deal with these complications by trying to reclaim their youth by getting an impractical car and going after youthful, “uncomplicated” women. If we believe these movies, men avoid the complications and difficult aspects of this stage of adulthood. And, in real life, it is difficult sometimes for sure.
For middle-aged women, this stage seems to take a different form, at least for me it does. I’m struggling a bit at this stage. Some of this is due to a change in my hormones, some of this is because of the pandemic, and some of it is just worrying. I’ve always been a bit of a worrier, but I’ve achieved a whole new level of worry over the last few years. I worry all the time because:
I am more aware than ever of just how messed up the world is.
I am more aware than ever of my role within this messed-up world.
I worry that I’m not doing enough to change this messed-up world.
I am frustrated by the way women, people of color, the LQBTQ+ community, and any other minority groups are treated.
I’m worried about my children.
I’m worried for myself.
I’m worried about my ability to support my family.
I’m worried about my dog’s allergies.
I’m worried about how my kid’s new medication will affect them.
I’m worried about how I’m going to get through this week’s workload.
I’m worried about the monumental hot flash I had last night that was so bad I had to change my pajamas at 2 am.
I’m worried about how I look.
I’m worried that my husband isn’t happy.
I’m worried my kids aren’t happy.
I’m worried about my parents.
I’m worried that all of this is making me unhappy.
This is just the tip of the holy s#&% iceberg. My mind reels with my awareness of my surroundings and the feeling that my perceived worth in this world is diminishing as I age when, in fact, just the opposite is true.
But is this a “Crisis”? Am I “in crisis”?
By definition, to some degree, yes. I suppose I am. I feel out of control of everything from my body to my kids to the world at large. This leads me to feel stressed. Which leads to sleepless nights. Which leads to more stress. Until, eventually, I collapse under the weight of it.
Then I pull myself back up (sometimes after a good cry) and carry on.
It does feel a little crisis-y (I know, it’s not a real word) in the low moments.
But then I take a look back at what I’ve accomplished in my life and I encourage you to do the same. Reflect on the hills you’ve climbed and the mountains you’ve moved. That hill could be your career path and that mountain could be your kid who refused to get out of their pajamas and go to school. Both, at times, seem equally hard.
All of these mountains and hills have made us Wise (not just smart), Accomplished, Resourceful, Confident, Purposeful, Patient, and (least interestingly) Beautiful.
We are freaking WARRIORS!
All of us.
We have so much to offer and I personally feel like I’m just getting started!
So back to my original question. Is there a better term for Midlife Crisis? Does that seem like the right phrase for what we are going through?
Naaaaaah.
My sister called it a “Midlife Smolder”. I love that. We are always burning and progressing forward and we should celebrate how far we’ve come. We should find joy in our accomplishments and we should take pride in who we are.
After all, we know who we are. We know what we want. We know how to get it.
It’s not “complicated”.
It’s bada$%!
So how are you feeling about this stage in your life? Do you identify with the traditional definition? Have you carved out your own definition? Would love to hear from you.
Until next time.
#grayhairblogging
*my husband is NOT this guy. He’s always got my back and I am grateful for him. I wish everybody a partner this good.