HUMBLE

Any parents with tweens and/or teens out there?

How’s that goin’ for ya?

I will start by saying that our children are incredible. They are smart, funny, and beautiful inside and out. Unique and not afraid to be who they are. I am genuinely overwhelmed by their kindness and love at times and feel very lucky to be their mom.

That being said, they are teenagers who are going through the most awkward time of their lives. While I’m sure there are parents out there with teenagers who are perfect angels, for most of us, it is not all roses and sunshine. A simple “how was school” is met with a “fine” that is full of attitude and topped off with an eye roll that my kid has devastatingly perfected. Just the right mix of disgust, annoyance, and frustration with my existence. It’s impressive, really. It is rare that somebody self-taught is so proficient at such a young age. It’s like having a prodigy in our home.

On top of this awkwardness, they have to deal with things that we never had to. We did not have cell phones constantly begging for our attention. There was no such thing as clickbait. If we read something in a newspaper or magazine, we believed it (unless it was something like the Enquirer). There was no cancel culture. There was political turmoil, but not as in your face as it is today - and you could avoid it if you wanted to. The level of hate and outrage over genuinely silly things (there are also plenty of not silly things to be outraged about) is sincerely troubling to me and I’m a GAW (Grown A$% Woman). We are living through a pandemic! Good grief! Who saw that coming?! I can’t imagine trying to process all of this in my teens.

And teens are made aware of some cold hard truths that can’t be (and should not be) avoided and are learning concepts that I didn’t learn until I was well out of my teens.

Case and point.

The other day my youngest came downstairs to the kitchen and said “so I’m listening to this podcast that my favorite YouTuber hosts……..”

Me in my head “oh boy”.

My youngest continues “…..its’s about unconscious bias”, then she goes on to explain unconscious bias, accurately and with examples.

Me in my head “damn! ok!”

Me out loud “let’s talk unconscious bias!”.

It was a great conversation! I’m very proud of her for learning this at such a young age, taking it seriously, and initiating a conversation about it.

See! Told ya they’re cool!

Personally, this stage in their lives is incredibly humbling to me, for several reasons:

1. Our kids actually do know some things that I don’t. For example, did you know cucumber is a fruit? Embarrassingly, I didn’t. But they sure did! They are more computer savvy. They know new slang words. They know the new bands/singers. I don’t. I feel pretty okay about that.

2. I never thought I’d take my teens having a bad day/week/month, personally. After a while, the side-eye, condescending tone, and snarky remarks wear me down. There have been days when I just need to walk away for a few hours and collect myself. I don’t feel good about that.

3. This stage has forced me to look at myself and how I talk to my kids. My tone can be harsh/matter-of-fact, especially when I’m in a hurry or stressed, which is a lot. I don’t intend it to be that way, but I hear it sometimes. It is not with malice or contempt, but when I get busy and I have to get through my to-do list, that tone comes out and I’m pretty sure it comes with a side of RBF. I do wonder if me speaking to them like that has set the example and given them permission to speak to me that way. I wonder if I speak to them respectfully when they start talking to me about the Minecraft server they are managing or their favorite YouTuber - things they really care about? I’m not so sure I do - see my response to the YouTuber podcast above.

See?

Humbling.

I saw a quote on a sponsored post on Instagram that said something like “I respect the parent who adores their kids but admits that this s&#$ is hard” (if you recognize this please let me know in the comments below - I'd like to give them credit). I never thought this would be easy, but I didn’t expect it to be difficult or humbling.

We are all living in our own universe where we are at the center. Even as adults, I think we forget sometimes that we are NOT the center of somebody else’s universe. It requires taking a step back and trying to see a situation from a different perspective, to gain a better understanding of what is in front of us. It also requires slowing down and taking the time to TRY to do this. To look at the world through our teens’ eyes because it really is different than when my husband and I were teens. It requires effort, patience, and understanding. And if I don’t/can’t understand what is in front of me, I can, at the very least, respect it. Does this mean that the disrespectful behavior gets a pass? No. It just means that I will work harder to see the world from their point of view as I try to coach them through this life without my perspective getting in the way.

Until next time.

#grayhairblogging